BitterSweet

The winds are now changing and the sun is beginning to turn in for bed earlier and earlier each evening. Despite the fact that it’s still so warm out, the signs of autumn are becoming more prominent with every passing day. It seems like everyone’s already bundling up, pulling their jackets out of storage and dusting off those warmer shirts and sweaters.

Just the other day, in fact, a friend of mine was preparing to run off on an errand, when he saw just how uninviting the overcast day was looking. Better safe than sorry, he through on his good trousers and a sturdy hat for good measure before facing the fierce winds.

A fan of autumn like myself, he took it in stride and saw it as a heartening sign of the changing seasons. I can’t wait to pull my own warmer garb, although it could still be a while. Most people would want to be naturally warm, but it sadens me that it take so much for me to actually feel cold enough to put on a coat! I love layers and heavy clothes, but unless it’s close to snowing, I’m often feel hot enough to bake bread beneath those garments!

Getting back to my small friend, he did express some worry about not actually owning any shirts… It was fine in the summer, but now feels a bit awkward, setting out in the nippy mornings, sporting a pair of trousers but no top. I promised we could work out a deal, because I doubt that a shirt for his size would take much longer than an hour.

It’s a good thing he has me around this time of year - Imagine standing at the bus stop completely topless by the time winter rolls around!

Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more vegan cookies around the market place, so it was really just a matter of time until I snatched a box to see how they measured up. I’ve baked a good deal of vegan cookies in my time, but never having tried any mass-produced, I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

The brand that I settled on is called Smart Treat, which makes a good deal of vegan cookies, as well as some cakes and quick breads. What I ended up picking out was a package of the classic chocolate chip for a fair comparison - I’ve probably had more chocolate chip cookies in my life time than any other sort. At a later time though, I’d like to get my hands on some butterscotch oatmeal, or spicy ginger cookies. How enticing do those sound!

I was a bit skeptical at first, examining the crisp domes of cooked batter, expecting rock-like cookie pucks. Simply breaking them in half revealed a happy surprise however, as the concealed innards were actually quite soft and fluffy. While I wouldn’t say they are the traditional chewy chocolate chip cookies that I tend to think of, the texture was still far than I could have really hoped for.

The distribution of the chips was excellent; Not so many that the chocolate became overwhelming, but still definitely a pronounced flavor throughout. I liked that it allowed me to actually taste the cookie part, since that was always my favorite as a kid. Years ago in my very first baking exploits, making chocolate chip cookies, I would actually try to make the last few cookies in a batch without any chips at all. The flavor of the dough used in the Smart Treat cookies was just as good as any non vegan equivalent I could remember.

Taste aside, they aren’t called a “Smart Treat” for nothing. All of their cookies are not only vegan, but also completely gluten-free, and it appears that they don’t use any refined ingredients in any of their products. Sounds like a good deal to me!

These days, I believe that far too much emphasis is placed on one’s looks. Models provide unreal expecations for women to attempt to live up to, but no one even has second thoughts about their authenticity. The beauty that the mass market has produced is not only so extreme that no average person could ever come close, but the fact is that it doesn’t even exist. Every poster, every last ad, the models are airbrushed to death. Not even they look that good in real life.

Now I may be going off on a bit of a tangent, but I honestly wish that people wouldn’t be so quick to judge and label others based on outward appearance. When I found a crochet pattern titled “The Ugly Duckling,” I was expecting some grotesque mass of yarn in dark, dirty colors with perhaps an awkward yellow beak poking out. Driven mainly by curiousity, I went to go check it out, and discovered a stuffed animal that was anything but “ugly.”

Sure, her beak might be a bit large, but nothing begging for plastic surgery. She may have large feet, but they’re nothing to hide in shoes and feel embarrassed about. This sweet duckling knows the pain of rejection and being called names, but she doesn’t care. She and I both know how beautiful she really is, and that confidence is perhaps the most beautiful aspect of all.

I know it’s a bit of a far cry to be comparing a stuffed animal to the mass media, but it was all I could think of as I held the finished duckling in my hand. No, we’re not perfect, but that doesn’t mean a single one of us should ever aquire the demeaning and hurtful label of being “ugly.”

As a small after-note, I’m happy to hear that in Madrid, they are now banning models that are underweight. It’s a small step foward, but a sure sign that the times are changing, and hopefully for the best.

Approximately one million years ago when I started making knit food, I found the extensive list of options to be quite impressive and some what intimidating. So much to knit, I never thought my needles could move fast enough to work through everything I wanted to create! All of a sudden, it seems that I’m now on the other side, wondering what type of knit-food I haven’t yet made, what remains on that list for me. I guess that’s what ending up driving me to write my own pattern in the first place.

The whole time I wrote up my first few, I was still testing the waters. I had never knit without a pattern before, so to make my own was all new territory for me. I’m still not confident in my ability to come up with knit or crocheted objects from scratch, but I decided to finally dive in and make that one thing that I had wanted a pattern for since the day I started making food out of yarn - A slice of cake.

It’s far from perfect, and I’m still terrible at color-work so I’m sure that for people more skilled in that area, the filling between the two layers of cake shouldn’t stick out for you nearly as much. Feel free to switch up the colors, as always; I just thought that it would be easiest to distinguish as a chocolate birthday cake, but I’d love to see any other variations that people might come up with.

Frosting

Using size 8 (US) needles and medium brown worsted weight yarn, CO 15
Starting with a knit row, knit in st st for 18 rows, ending on a purl row
19: P across [ridge]
20: P across
21-24: St st
25: K1, k2tog, knit across until the last 3 stitches, ssk, k1
26-28: St st
29: K1, k2tog, knit across until the last 3 stitches, ssk, k1
30-32: St st
33: K1, k2tog, knit across until the last 3 stitches, ssk, 1
34-36: St st
37: K1, k2tog, knit across until the last 3 stitches, ssk, 1
38-40: St st
41: K1, k2tog, knit across until the last 3 stitches, ssk, k1
42-44: St st
45: K1, k3tog, k1
46: Purl across
47: K3tog

Bottom

In dark brown, CO15
Repeat the instructions for the frosting, rows 21 through 47

Layers

K7 stitches in dark brown, k2 stitches in cream, k7 remaining stitches dark brown
Continuing with this color scheme, st st for 24 cm
End on a purl row, and BO

Frosting Decoration (Make 2)

CO 1
1: Kfb 3 times (6 sts)
2-4: St st
5: Ssk, k2tog, k2tog
6: p3tog
Repeat rows 1 through 6 [4] times

Candle

CO 3 in light blue, and knit i-cord for 2”
Gather stitches together and tie off
Cut flame out of yellow felt and attach to tip by means of fabric glue

Assembly

With right sides facing, line up the butt of the triangle for the bottom with the CO edge of the frosting. Whip stitch across and secure, but do not cut yarn. Line up the cake layers facing inward and whip stitch first along the side, and then across top edge, lining up the side of the cake between the bottom rectangle and the ridge.

Sew half of bottom to cake layers, and turn right side out.

Measure and cut a piece of cardboard approximately 24 cm x 7 cm. Fold or score the center and insert into cake so that it provides structure and prevents the walls from puffing out. Insert stuffing between the two folded sides, into the middle of the cake

Sew one of your frosting decorations to the bottom of the frosting piece, and the other one to the ridge one top.Attach candle to desired spot on top of the cake.

A friend of my sister’s is due in November, and being the resident knitter, I feel obligated to make something for the incoming baby. I’m more than happy though, since I get so few opportunities to break out the cutsie patterns, and they tend to be some of the cutest out there. It’s so unfair to us non child-bearing people! Not that I even really like kids… I just enjoy knitting for them.

Last time I cast on for an expectant mother, I was new to the field and attempted baby booties… Which I later learned were too small; The new born turned out to be a bit larger than it was original assumed. I was still promised that the booties would be put to good use nonetheless… As Christmas tree ornaments instead.

Not wanting to knit unwearable garments for a second time, I settled this time on the bunny hat from Stitch and Bitch Nation. This is a pattern I had been dying to make for the longest time, but at the time I first saw it, I hadn’t known enough about patterns to be able to alter it for a larger head, and then promptly forgot about it, lacking any baby to knit for.

The design is absolutely irresistible - I’m dying to see little Skylar wearing it when she finally emerges from the womb. I did remove the face, though. After going through all the trouble of embroidering the eyes, whiskers and mouth, I determined that I really can’t embroider, and wasted no time in cutting it all out. Oh, and I decided against the I-cord ties, just because I wasn’t really feeling up to all that bland, monotonous knitting when it looked perfectly fine without them.

Until Skylar is avaliable to photograph, I’ve made use of a smiley face balloon to model her hat. I hope she’s just as smiley when she recieves it!

This is a concept I had been hearing a good deal about from many people and many places - Crocheting with wire and beads is nothing new, but I passed on the idea for a number of months, unsure of how well the final product would come out. I mean, for me atleast, wire is so difficult to work with on it’s own wouldn’t trying to wrestle with it on a metal hook only end in tears and blistered fingers?

Unfortunately, I was right about one of those assumptions: When I was done, my hands hurt. Not to mention my poor crochet hook - Much of the paint was scrapped off the end! Good thing I have two F hooks… I’ll designate this blue (or formerly blue) one to wire-working only in the future, because I wouldn’t want to destroy my good pink hook by accident. [Yes, I am weird.]

Like I said, there are tons of tutorials and patterns for this type of pursuit, but being as “inventive” as I am… I thought it would be better to just wing it. My brilliant plan created nothing less than two consecutive creations that could only fit a person with a wrist the size of a medium lawn gnome.

After picking the pieces out of the trash can a few hours later, I determined that they must still be salvageable.

The one I decided to make into a bracelet was lengthened with a toggle clasp. Actually, it was two loops joined together, because the first addition was still not the right size for any average human being to wear.

The second one, which was extremely short became a choker with the help of a chain and lobster clasp.

Thankfully, all that pain wasn’t for naught and I was able to save my mistakes and turn them into something that could actually be called jewelry. I really like how they came out, so I think I’ll be making these again… Only, I’ll be sure to make them much longerthan I think is necessary, so that maybe they won’t need any additions other than the clasps.

Making granola is the type of baking adventure that just about any one with the IQ of a garbanzo bean could undertake, which could explain why a simple online search will produce somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 million various recipes. Perhaps this is why I find it so intimidating to approach - All those options, I can’t make up my mind! Even browsing the aisles of the grocery store, if there were no time constraint I could spend hours picking through the countless boxes. I still want to make my own granola, but for now I’m starting at the top: The most simple but still tasty sounding packaged granola in my reach.

I’m not sure how readily available this one is, as I haven’t seen it before this my recent exploits. It could be that I just wasn’t looking for it, but they don’t have a very informative website, either. The most information I could discern from my research is that Heartland makes four varieties of granola; Original, With Raisins, and then fat free versions of both. As you can see, I went with the basics and gave Original a shot.

Sifting through my generous bowlful, its appearance was nothing extraordinary or particularly remarkable, just like any other granola. Full of little clusters of oats, there is definitely no skimping in the whole grain department.

A first spoonful revealed a very subtle kiss of sweetness accompanied by a hint of vanilla; Nothing overpowering but possessing a very defined presence throughout the cereal. Not exactly your “light” breakfast, but very hearty indeed, it kept me satiated and energized for the whole morning. It had a satisfying crunch without being so hard and impenetrable as some other commercial granolas out there, still having a nice give after the initial bite. I didn’t try it with soymilk because I enjoy eating my granola dry, but I’m sure it would have been a pleasant match, especially with vanilla soymilk. I’m guessing it would probably also take the edge off of that uber-heathy “crunchy granola” feeling, and may make it more palatable for kids, too.

Being such a simple, basic cereal, it naturally lends itself to any sort of add-in you could imagine to make it a bit snazzier. Dried fruit, nuts, extra cinnamon (Because I’m a spice addict and all) would only make it more addictive. It’s a dangerous thing to have a whole box on hand – I feel like I might go through it in only a handful of mornings.

It also made me think it could be an excellent ingredient in many baked goods: A crumb topping on muffins or cobblers, part of a pie crust, I’d really love to play around with this stuff and try out some experiments.

I’m so glad that took a stab in the dark like that didn’t end up a disaster! I absolutely adore granola, so I’ll try to not use such extreme caution and be more willing to just grab the first thing that sounds good. I guess you just can’t go too far wrong with granola, no matter how you choose to go about it!

I’ve discovered quite a peculiar automatic response to the words “I don’t know what to make next,” especially when these words are coming from my mouth. Without missing a beat, the person sitting next to me will say something like “Oh, I would just love to have a ____!” Or, “Have you made a ____ yet? Come on, ____s are the best ever!” I’m really asking for trouble, because I have a lot of difficulty refusing requests. Atleast I don’t stay bored for too long; idle hands make me go crazy, except for when I’m sleeping, because then I’m unconscious and don’t care too much. So either I always need a steady line-up of potential projects, or someone needs to beat me senseless so I can’t think straight enough to know that I’m not in the process of crafting at that very moment.

After about 5 minutes of quiet, having just woven in the ends of my last amigurumi, I was beginning to squirm around, picking over different patterns and seeking out what might satisfy the itch. Luckily, it didn’t take long for a friend to put out a number of suggestions: A dragonfly? Meh, not much too it… A zebra? Yikes, with stripes like that?

Okay, so I can be pretty damn picky, which is not a good thing when my sanity depends on constantly choosing new projects.

Finally, the idea of an elephant came up. I set off to look for a decent pattern, and came up from one published by Better Homes and Gardens. It was specified as a “circus elephant,” but I really don’t support the mistreatment of animals by circuses, so I left out the ugly garb in primary colors.

After forcing the last 50 square feet or so of stuffing into his body, he wasted no time and headed straight for the kitchen. We don’t have any plain peanuts here, but someone had left out the jar of peanut butter on the table, which he quickly sniffed out and held hostage. Fearing the ensuing sticky mess after he had finished the finished coating his body and the entire room in peanut butter, I tried to wrestle the container away with haste. There are few things worse than trying to clean up splattered peanut butter.

Searching the cabinets briefly, I came up with a small quantity of sliced almonds. Not exactly the same, but nuts nonetheless, and far less messy to be sure. My eli-friend tested them out cautiously, unsure as to what to think of this new treat. A few tentative bites later, and he was chomping them down by the trunkful. I’m lucky that he was willing to compromise, considering the amount of yarn and stuffing that went into making him; I wouldn’t be surprised if he was able to mow me down with such heft!

You’d think that by now I’d have made dog amigurumis in ever color of the rainbow, every breed and mix and mutt imaginable, but no! I found another canine to create, although this one isn’t a specific breed that I can descern. Not that I mind - It could be a pile of poo, and as long as it’s cute, it will find a place in my heart and time on my hook.

Getting back to the pup at hand, I discovered this free pattern a handful of days ago via Kat Crochet. There are a number of other cute animals to be found here, and I believe these are all (Or atleast mostly) patterns translated from Japanese to English. While I would prefer the diagrams that Japanese instructions so frequently utilize, I can still work my way around the written directions that were so thoughtfully provided.

The .pdf file includes templates for a number of other cute accessories that can be made of felt; Sweet little slippers, a bone… I just went with the little bib, because I wouldn’t want my poor guy to face the blog world completely naked, afterall. The felt pieces are supposed to be hand sewn, I assume, but I just find this practice so tedious and ineffective - The piece either falls appart,or the stitches look horrendous - That I just find it a lot easier to pull out my fabric glue and smear a couple globs across.

Once fully assembled and clothed, my mutt whined incessantly about his desire to run free through the wild. Unfortunately, being currently situated in a cement-choked city, the closest I could come was the little planter on the balcony. I’m not sure that this fully satisfied his beastly instincts, but he still was able to appreciate the fresh air. This one’s not really the outdoors-y type, either, much prefering to curl up on the sofa, warm beneath his felt bib. He’s just a softie, anyways.

…Now, if I could find a pattern for that crocheted poo…