One Bad Egg
Grocery shopping at my local rinky-dink super market is more often an exercise in frustration than an opportunity to acquire the new, inspiring ingredients I yearn for. Forget about finding esoteric ingredients like lychees or even enoki mushrooms- This store doesn’t even stock the humble vanilla bean with regularity! Don’t bother asking the employees about the possibility of special orders or simply diversifying their offerings either, because they are so completely incompetent that they can barely keep track of their selection as it is. Case in point, not too long ago there was one particularly disturbing incident in which the cashier was mystified by the fuzzy orange spheres I presented to him, that he couldn’t even figure out what they were. Explaining that those oddities were apricots of all things only complicated matters, as to his knowledge, apricots were only dried. Can you imagine, little shriveled up fruits growing on the tree, pre-dried…? …I still have nightmares about this one.
But I digress. Managing to escape with a few odds and ends that are potentially edible, you would think that the whole ordeal is over, but you would be painfully mistaken. Countless times have I arrived home feeling triumphant, only to discover that choice purchases were missing from my brown paper bags, overlooked by those helpful workers and left carelessly on the belt.
Even weirder yet is when items that had never once entered my cart end up mixed in with my other acquisitions. Sometimes this actually turns out to be a pleasant bonus, one which I graciously accept as an apology for the typically dismal service. Other times, however, I feel like this store just has it in for me.
That’s right- Sifting through my unassuming bag of groceries, my hands suddenly exhumed a carton of a half dozen eggs. What an insult! What a horror! …What on Earth was I to do with them? Go back and return them, explaining that they mysteriously appeared amidst my other belongings? No, that wouldn’t do, lest I desired the label of either a thief or a mental patient.
Staring vacantly at the white styrofoam in a confused stupor, the moral implications of it all weighed heavily on my mind. I absently reached out and flipped the lid in attempts to focus my thoughts on the situation at had, hoping that the sight of its contents would make the answer clear. Peering cautiously inside, it took only a moment to realize that these were no normal “farm-fresh” eggs.
The fact that one had broken in transport was the most mundane thing about them- Each one was lively as could be, entertaining a personality all their own, instantly becoming animated as soon as their eyes met mine. As if I ever needed another excuse to abstain from eating eggs, seeing the life and energy that they exuded would have been enough to turn even a hardcore carnivore into a vegan!
Sitting in the front row was the sad broken egg, yolk exposed to the air without a cushion to protect it from the harsh outside world. Immediately to its right sat a very concerned-looking friend, clearly riddled with anxiety about his neighbor’s recent break.
Just one row back though, those two characters nestled comfortably into their indentations carried on with their boisterous shenanigans, oblivious to the drama just a hair’s width away from them. I couldn’t be sure exactly what sort of exchange was occurring between them, but I could tell that whatever joke was just told was wearing thin, but the joker just keep egging the other on. (Forgive me for the awful pun, I couldn’t resist!)
Of course, in the very back the final two were even more clueless, grinning away without a care in the world. I loved how upbeat this pair was, although it was rather unfortunate that they were so completely disconnected with the other residents of the carton. All the same, the scene of destruction in front and petty annoyance in the middle seemed justifiably unimportant with these two friendly faces greeting me warmly.
Well, if I had hoped to avoid being deemed mentally unfit by returning eggs that weren’t mine, then this sight was really the last thing that might have saved me. All the same, I now know what to do with them: Like any other living thing, these guys deserve love and a good home, and I’m more than happy to provide that for them. I would normally be very much against keeping an animal product like eggs here, but for these… I think I can make an exception to the rule. Vegan-friendly eggs are such a unique and wonderful thing that I couldn’t very well keep them all to myself; Break out your hook and yarn, because now you guys can have your own egg-buddies as well!
Whole Egg (Make 5):
With white worsted weight yarn and an E hook, sc6 in circle
Sc1, sc twice into next stitch* around (9)
Sc around
Sc2, sc twice into next stitch* around (12)
Sc3, sc twice into next stitch* around (15)
Sc around
Sc4, sc twice into next stitch* around (18)
Sc5, sc twice into next stitch* around (21)
Sc around for 3 rounds
Sc5, sc2tog* around (18)
Sc1, sc2tog* around (12)
Sc around
-Embroider and stuff firmly-
Sc2tog* around (6)
Break yarn and gather remaining sts together, pull tight and tie it off.
Broken Egg Shell:
Sc6 in circle
Sc twice into each st (12)
Sc around
Sc1, sc twice into next st* around (18)
Sc5, sc twice into next st* around (21)
Sc3 times into one st, sl st twice* around
Break yarn and weave in ends.
Egg Yolk:
With yellow yarn, sc 7 in a circle
Sc twice into each (14)
Sc1, sc twice into next st* around (21)
-Embroider-
Sc1, sc2tog* around (14)
Sc2tog around (7)
Break yarn, gather sts and tie tight.
No assembly required, just find a nice cozy carton to hold them in!
johanna3 said,
June 9, 2007 at 9:46 am
what a cute, cute post! my whole family enjoy it!
Anne said,
June 9, 2007 at 2:35 pm
hahahaha they are awesome!!!!!! ^^
kinoko said,
June 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm
So cute! Thank you for the pattern, you shaped them really well.
Lisa Bettany said,
June 9, 2007 at 6:44 pm
the one in the top right corner looks a bit dodgy…. never trust a crooked smile! he’s up to no good.
Katie said,
June 9, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Thanks for these - they made me laugh out loud.
therese said,
June 9, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Great eggs! I just added a link to this on my Softies 101 section at Softies Central.
Celine said,
June 10, 2007 at 5:57 am
you’ve outdone yourself!!! I love these so much.
su said,
June 10, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Cracks me up. OOF.
You are one of the best things on the Net. :-) Thanks.
cristina said,
June 11, 2007 at 5:30 am
Love your site.
love your ideas.
:)
Liz Reeves said,
June 11, 2007 at 6:24 am
What a cute idea. I want to make these! Thanks for sharing the pattern :-)
Joanna said,
June 11, 2007 at 9:43 am
you are so talented…………………… i lovelovelovelovelove them!!!!
Carrie Lynne said,
June 11, 2007 at 12:07 pm
I am so impressed with your site! You make such cute projects! I will be taking on a few of these as soon as I can get home to my yarn!
Patricia Scarpin said,
June 12, 2007 at 10:46 am
So lovely!
Tartelette said,
June 12, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Absolutely adorable..that little egg yolk is great!
beth eathorne said,
June 12, 2007 at 10:34 pm
i have your blog on my favorites list love the eggs
persephonesawakening said,
June 13, 2007 at 5:34 pm
haha.. so of COURSE you crocheted some eggs instead. Why did i even bother to guess at some other cause!?
and he didn’t know what APRICOTS are?
merrimerri said,
June 15, 2007 at 12:26 pm
EEK !!! That is TOO cute!
At first I was reading the post thinking oh yes, that has happened to me(getting something in my bag that I didn’t buy..
But then…LOLOLOL!
Great post and neat blog!
alexandria said,
June 15, 2007 at 9:35 pm
omg, i saw this link on crochetpatterncentral~~ tooooo cute!
abarclay12 said,
June 18, 2007 at 6:08 pm
I can’t believe that checker didn’t know what furry little oranges are. He thinks dried fruit grows on trees?? Anyhow, you’re a super talent. This is a cool blog site. I can’t sew worth a damn, but it’s fun reading the stories about the eggs.
Griffin said,
June 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm
That is potentially the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! :D
Hanane said,
June 19, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I love them!!!!
scottishmist said,
July 14, 2007 at 9:00 am
I have to say…I’m embarrassed I have not read the entire blog… but I have totally fallen in love with your imagination! The foodies, the critters! Absolutely adorable! Thank you for sharing and putting a smile on my face! Now i gotta go back and read some more! Thanks for sharing your patterns also- it allows those of us not that imaginative to share with ours!
Ever think of offering a CD of patterns?
baking soda said,
July 21, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Just came from tartelette to follow the origins of the travelling eggs. I adored them even before I read your story, and now I’m in love!
casey said,
July 26, 2007 at 11:55 am
i am in love with these eggs. i have already begun making dozens of them (in various stash busting colors) for easter eggs next year. my husband’s family does the “gold egg” which when found wins a prize, so those guys will have really cute faces. thanks for one of the easiest egg patterns out there.
i have converted the pattern to make lemons to decorate my kitchen with, and they turned out really cute.
Trish said,
July 26, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Thank you thank you for the pattern! The eggs are great, and I just finished making them for my SIL’s birthday. You are awesome!
Anita said,
October 15, 2007 at 11:24 am
I will HAVE to make these for my neighbor who is constantly giving us far fresh eggs. Sorry, my dear vegan friend… ;( But thanks for the pattern!
carol said,
October 22, 2007 at 12:10 am
Hi
I have spent the last 3 hrs looking through my sites for your blog. I knew you had the things i wanted. I sure glad I found you again. You do such nice work and its cute too. Thanks..
carol.. in Iowa
Jordan said,
November 3, 2007 at 8:52 pm
I must make these!!
They are absolutely adorable.
stardragon said,
November 21, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Ahahahaha, lol those are adorable!!! I loved the ones in the middle, they look like me and my one friend when we’re having a sleepover. XD Love your little patterns!
Barb said,
January 20, 2008 at 3:49 pm
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it! Darling and so creative you are!!!!!!!!!
Barb.
Kris said,
January 21, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Absolutely wonderful. Great!!! I burst out laughing.
kaet said,
January 22, 2008 at 8:29 am
Very very nice. It makes for a great story, too!
Amy said,
January 23, 2008 at 7:28 pm
So cute, thanks for sharing!
Tammy said,
February 17, 2008 at 7:34 pm
The eggs are really cute…..I would love to make them but I can’t understand the pattern.
How many to chain to start? If someone can help me understand I will take all the help I can get.
Tammy said,
February 17, 2008 at 7:42 pm
my e-mail is tcharlton@bellsouth.net
If someone can help with the pattern.
Daffymommy said,
March 15, 2008 at 11:22 am
HAHAHA!! These are the coolest eggs ever. When I saw them I expected to see yolk on the surrounding eggs from that poor broken one. I hate it when that happens! But these eggs are calling to my creative jucies to make them up and and a story to go along with them…..hmmm…
Hi said,
March 17, 2008 at 2:16 pm
i have a suggestion. Can you please make a crochet pattern for ice cream
anunfoldingstory said,
May 8, 2008 at 5:24 pm
How do you make them round? I am only new to this?
Abbey