How Does Your Garden Grow?
–With great difficulty, in my case. Despite all the tender loving care I can muster, dutifully picking weeds and providing a veritable feast of water and plant food at demand, hardly a single plant has yet been willing to share its fruit. The long, scraggly vine climbing up wire trellises will pop out a tiny pod of snowpeas every now and then, but for the most part remains rebellious like its peers. My miraculous strawberries showed great possibilities early on, surprising everyone by the fact that they even showed up, but they seem to have given up the ghost early, finishing off their season without so much as a peep, let alone a bang. Perhaps a total of three ruby red jewels ever made it into my mouth before they too stood me up on every date I planned, and it wasn’t long before we were both tired of each other. Truly, I shouldn’t be surprised- And all things considered, this was one of my best years in gardening! Still I return to stand guard of my motley crew of greenery, fenced in and protected from the “wild” creatures looking for an easy snack. This annual battle has not come to an end, since there are many plants that have yet to arrive at the party.
Speaking of which, I realized only a day or two ago that the carrot seeds that were tucked away so many months ago might be developing into something more substantial. Since they had been planted early on, it wasn’t entirely unreasonable to hope for decently sized tubers about now, so I determined it was high time to unearth those treasures and accept whatever might be found, be it baby carrots or mutant 10-pounders. Gingerly moving handfuls of soil away from the garden floor, a good 10 minutes passed before a single, decrepit old root was to be found. What happened to my carrots? The seeds were brand new, they were treated to plenty of sun and food… But they hadn’t just failed to thrive, they had disappeared altogether! Mourning the mysterious loss of yet another crop, it was then that some motion in the corner of the garden caught my eye.
Scrabbling about quietly, an uninvited guest appeared to be going through the same motions as I had just a moment ago, digging through clods of dirt and errant weeds, but to much greater success. Right before my eyes, a bright orange root found its way into this lucky scavenger’s arms! Alarmed that this thief had made it past my meticulous fencing and pest-proofing, it was the most I could do to contain the obscenities waiting to hurl themselves at this intruder with all the force of a machine gun. I couldn’t, however, prevent the indignant shriek that was stifled in my throat, and instantly the tiny beast whipped around to locate the commotion.
Caught red-handed, the culprit clutched his find closely, unwilling to surrender the delicious tuber. I could feel my pulse quicken as I approached, livid that all of my dear carrots had fallen prey to this despicable, malicious, disgusting, cheating…
…Adorable baby bunny. With wide eyes and the most innocent smile, how could I possibly look into that face and remain angry? As much as I would love to taste the fruits of my labor, I simply couldn’t bring myself to snatch the carrot out of those tiny paws. Sensing that the danger had passed, the rabbit in question gathered up his confidence and quickly hopped away, thumping across the soft earth and jumping gracefully through an inconspicuous opening in the fence. At least this led me to the source of the problem, so that now I can fix the gap without inviting other hungry critters in…. I just wish this guy would have shared!
Mixed Up and Unsatisfied
Whether you’re trying to slim down in a hurry, or just in a hurry, nutrition shakes are extremely popular these days. Precisely calibrated for perfect proportions of fat, carbs, and protein, they take the worry out of what might be the “healthiest” choice on a dubious menu, and are very convenient no matter how many activities you have on your plate. With these powerful drinks sounding like the cure-all to health woes, you might wonder why everyone isn’t guzzling these by the gallon. Well, the reason for reluctance is simple; The best options usually taste as good as chalk mixed into soured milk. Besides, who would really want to forgo so many delicious foods for a substitute that you can’t even chew? Since I’m no diet guru, I certainly can’t give you any further knowledge about the best way to get in shape, but I can tell you how I feel about incorporating such vitamin slurries into a standard lifestyle.
Since I’ve been swamped with work lately, it’s true that my meals have become progressively simpler, lacking proper time to assemble a complex feast. Eating basic fruits, veggies, and beans in their natural state is no problem with me, but snacks are another story. All too often I end up reaching for some sugary granola bars or greasy chips instead of something that might actually keep my focus at 100%. That’s why fortified shakes like Nutiva have begun to sound increasingly enticing, especially with a label that rattles off only organic, natural, and fair trade ingredients. This particular product comes in powder-form, with three different flavors to choose from, but for a little trial run, I was only able to investigate the Chocolate flavor. Delighted to have such an easy reference to less-than-invigorating but delicious shakes in this classic flavor, it would be easy to gauge the success of this healthful beverage.
Straight out of the package, I had high hopes for the dusty brown powder, already smelling strongly of cocoa. Stirring it into a cup of my trusty almond milk, I began to encounter some problems early on. Many dry powders have difficulty producing a smooth, lump-free drink, so I wasn’t surprised that this was an obstacle for Nutiva as well- Accepting that this was the way that most mixes work, I broke out the wire whisk and whipped it good. Working up a good froth, it didn’t take long for all of the bubbles to pop, and after sitting a mere 15 minutes or so to take a few beauty shots for posterity, the mixture had thickened to the viscosity of wet cement. No longer could it support light air bubbles even with the most vigorous stirring, but it certainly wasn’t watery.
Finally taking my first big gulp, it was almost jarring to discover that despite all the good smells it had earlier produced, the shake itself was shockingly bland. Only mildly flavored with something reminiscent of chocolate and not the least bit sweet, it was nothing like I had imagined. I felt like this huge glass before me was like bitter medicine disguised as something supposedly delicious, just like those “grape flavored” chewable tablets that really taste like chemicals and chalk. The grittiness imparted by the flax seeds didn’t help it one bit, either; While it should have felt smooth going down, it tickled my throat and left some residual grit on my teeth.
As unpleasant as it was, I can’t help but wonder if it could still be manipulated into a more palatable state. Perhaps if you were to use a different non-dairy milk, and add more sugar, and a bit more cocoa… But then again, you could just combine those three ingredients alone and end up with something perfectly refreshing. If you’re more interested in the nutrition values it has to offer then it still does have potential… But it’s really not something that suits my tastes, especially at the retail price of over $2.00 per packet.
Fire Starter
Humidity is my number one enemy right now, battling me from the moment I wake up, relentlessly provoking me throughout the day, and even interrupting my sleep just to torture me further. Summer wouldn’t be nearly so bad if this muggy, suffocating moisture didn’t stick around like a wet leaf, but alas, such is the atmosphere in this neck of the woods. Sometimes it’s enough to make me reconsider living on the opposite coast, where the temperatures certainly rise but the saturation of the air sure doesn’t. There’s always a trade off though, as is evident by the raging forest fires that result from all that intense, dry heat- All jokes aside, there are currently 44 active blazes out west! Despite all the evidence that seems to point to the atmospheric conditions, I think that those conflagrations aren’t all the work of a cruel mother nature, who so often takes the blame, but in fact the mischief of a much smaller source.
Trying his best to be inconspicuous but still in plain view, I noticed a small creature unlike any I had ever seen before huddled near a box of matches. Sporting beautiful little wings and rough, scaly skin punctuated by snow white horns, this fellow was no garden-variety animal that you might normally find in these parts. Wracking my brain, trying desperately to recount where I might have seen such a beast before, a light bulb moment came and passed in an instant. No way could this tiny thing be a bona fide dragon, could he? Moreover, why on earth was he playing with matches?
Moving as quietly as I could in his direction, it took only a quietly snapping twig beneath my shoes to draw his attention, whipping his head around to meet me square in the eye. Catching me by surprise with this sudden motion, it was impossible to so much as greet the little guy let alone inquire about his activities with my heart in my throat. As he held his firepower threateningly, I started having second thoughts about marching up so nonchalant. Had he wanted, the whole backyard could have been set ablaze in seconds, nevermind the damp heat surrounding us. Looking on with fear as he fumbled with the match, a terrifying moment passed before I realized why he was holding onto this unlit torch in the first place- Not even the thinnest whisps of smoke were escaping his lips, no matter how hard he huffed and puffed in attempts to breath fire.
Backing up a step, I could now see that he was no more than a wee baby dragon, and poor little fellow couldn’t yet figure out his natural skills for creating infernos. Trying to make up for his lack in natural talent, he had somehow gleaned those human tools from careless campers nearby, and was hard at work trying to learn something from them. I’m certain that he meant no harm, but how easily his harmless experimentation could have ended up as a horrible accident! Luckily, it didn’t take much pursuasion for him to drop his “weapons” and retreat into the safety of the woods, back at square one without the learning curve of a flame in action.
Now, maybe I’m going out on a limb to say this, but perhaps there are just more dragons out west trying to figure out how to breathe fire and having the practice go horribly awry. This was the first time I had seen such a thing, and we never have forest fires around here after all!
Crazy Kiwis
As deadlines loom and reviews pile up, the oven as been eerily quiet and cold. My ideas for new recipes continue to accumulate and grow by the day like overgrown weeds, and yet I don’t have a minute to cut it down to size. Luckily, it seems that there’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel, and the manuscript is just over a week away from the printer. Everyone needs to take a break every now and then, so with the finish line now in sight, I figured it was only fair to dive into some of the luscious summer produce I had been spying at the market and make it into a suitable decadent dessert. Although my wish list for exotic and unusual fruit could fill a novel, I settled upon the first rare delicacy I could find: Kiwis.
True, they are certainly not unheard of or quite so esoteric these days, but it’s still hard for me to hunt them down locally. Having had such little experience with them, I figured something fairly basic would be a good place to start, so a simply kiwi tart it was. Out came the sturdy ceramic tart pan and I wasted no time prepping the fruits. Slicing carefully and admiring their lurid green flesh, flecked with the deep black seeds, the world around me disappeared. The sound of the knife filled my head, cleaving smoothly through the firm fruit, tapping quietly and rhythmically like a metronome as it hit the cutting board. Each cut slice glistened with juice, seeming to sparkle in the light, and I could only feel what a wondrous thing it was to be back in the kitchen again. Losing myself in the moment so completely, who knows what sort of craziness must have occurred during this mental vacation, because there was one shocking sight awaiting me when I looked up.
A kiwi! And not the fruits that I had just been admiring, but the national bird of New Zealand! Sitting right there in my tart pan like it was ready to go in the oven along with the fruit of its namesake, I could write volumes about how wrong this whole scene was. Watching me prep ingredients as if it were as distant as a cooking show on tv, the little guy seemed not the least bit bothered by its uncomfortable-looking seat or proximity to a human with a knife. As a typically shy, nocturnal bird found only halfway across the world, there was simply no conceivable explanation!
This development certainly threw a wrench in my baking plans, to say the least. Off went the oven, away went the flour and sugar. Not wanting to evict my curious guest from the former baking dish, it didn’t look like there would be any tarts to be made today. At a loss of words, the only course of action I could think of was to offer him a slice of the cut fruit… Which he gladly accepted, to my relief. Munching happily as if this were all the most normal thing in the world, I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my mind. Truly, if only I could understand any of this, my dear readers… But perhaps it’s just an indication that I had better get more sleep instead of shirking deadlines by baking!
I know that these bizarre flightless birds do have quite a few fans out there who would love to get as close to these marvels as I did… But since I have no clue how it all happened, the best I can do is give you a pattern to make your own!
Body:
With size 6 DPNs and rust colored worsted weight yarn, CO 3 and distribute them evenly among the needles
Kfb into each st (6 sts)
Kfb into each st (12 sts)
K each st
K1, kfb* around (18 sts)
K each st
K2, kfb* around (24 sts)
K each st
K3, kfb* around (30 sts)
K each st for 5 rounds
K3, k2tog* around (24 sts)
K each st for 2 rounds
K2, k2tog* around (18 sts)
K each st
(Okay, here comes some short row shaping for the neck. W&t means “wrap and turn,” which you can learn how to do via this handy video)
K4, w&t, p6, w&t, k8, w&t, p10, w&t, k12, w&t, p14, w&t, k16, w&t, p10
(Whew! Still with me? Great, it’s all smooth sailing from here!)
K each st
K2, kfb* around (24 sts)
K3, kfb* around (30 sts)
K4, kfb* around (36 sts)
K5, kfb* around (42 sts)
K6, kfb* around (48 sts)
K7, kfb* around (54 sts)
K each st
K8, kfb* around (60 sts)
K each st for 20 rounds
-Insert safety eyes and stuff head lightly-
K8, k2tog* around (54 sts)
K7, k2tog* around (48 sts)
K6, k2tog* around (42 sts)
K5, k2tog* around (36 sts)
K4, k2tog* around (30 sts)
K3, k2tog* around (24 sts)
-Stuff body firmly-
K2, k2tog* around (18 sts)
K1, k2tog* around (12 sts)
K2tog* around (6 sts)
Break thread and draw it through the remains stitches, tying tight.
Beak:
Switching to size 5 DPNs and yellow worsted weight yarn, CO 3 st, distributing evenly on your needles
Kfb into each st (6 sts)
K each st around for 22 rounds
K1, kfb* around (9 sts)
K each st around
k2, kfb* around (12 sts)
K each st
BO and break yarn, leaving a sizable tail to sew with
Feet (Make 2):
With size 5 straight needles and the same yarn as used for the beak, CO 25 sts
K each st
BO 5 sts, k to end
K to end, CO 5 sts
BO 5 sts, k to end
K to end, CO 5
K each st
CO, leaving a long tail
To Assemble: First take one foot and weave the long tail back through the 5 sts of the toe. Fold the leg in half and use that length of yarn to sew the long edges together, forming a long tube for the leg. Repeat with the other foot piece. Sew each leg to the bottom of the bird body and tie tightly, weaving in ends when satisfied with the placement. Lightly stuff the wide opening of the beak, and sew to bird face. Just weave in those ends and you’re ready to have plenty of your own bizarre adventures!
Soy to Enjoy
Ask and you shall receive, as has been advised by so many before me, but only now do I believe that such a simple and obvious statement might actually be valid. What seems like years ago now, I had the luck to stumble upon some delicious pudding made by ZenSoy, and investigated some of their other products to round out my review. Offhandedly citing my find that their website mentioned an enticing cappuccino drink, I never dreamed that I might taste such a delight, as to my dismay it was no where to be found in local stores. Now, seemingly out of the blue, the director of marketing himself contacted me and offered free samples. Surprised but ecstatic about this sudden opportunity, I jumped at his offering, scarcely believing that such a serendipitous event could truly happen in real life. Seriously, I couldn’t have made this story up and sounded the least bit convincing, but there you have it!
Mere days later, a box so heavy that no amount of strength on my part could have lifted it from the ground arrived at my doorstep. Weighed down with pounds of soymilk, the most I could muster was a good drag through the house before giving up and opening it on the spot, revealing an amazing bounty within. Not only had a full case of my long sough after Cappuccino drink been included in this cardboard treasure chest, but also a half case of both Vanilla and Chocolate Soy on the Go. Deliriously happy, I paraded my loot straight into the freezer to chill as fast as physically possible, craving a taste right then and there. [For future reference, I might suggest they reside in the fridge for long term storage- My cartons only sat there 15 or 20 minutes, but much longer and they could very well explode, as I’ve seen many other bottled liquids do.]
Starting with the least alluring flavor so as not to set my standards too high, I reached for the frosty carton of Chocolate soymilk, straw ready to slurp. Now it may surprise some chocoholics that I might find this one the least enticing, but in my experience, chocolate drinks are either hit or miss. It’s just all too common that they become gritty, artificial-tasting, watery, or some unfortunate combination of the three. With some trepidation I swallow my first mouthful… And was so startled by the taste that I nearly spilled it all over my already messy keyboard! Never before had I experienced such a delicious cocoa soymilk; creamy and smooth with the perfect viscosity, it felt substantial enough to be satisfying without being the least bit unctuous. Distinctly cocoa-tasting, artificial flavors can’t even touch this sort of authentic sweetness.
On a whim, I popped a glass of this auburn beauty into the microwave for a minute or two, wondering how it might taste as a convenient, pre-mixed hot cocoa. Burning myself on the steaming liquid, the experience was perfectly reminiscent of childhood experiences. Just like the cocoa I remembered from even before my days as a vegan, this was sure to be the perfect remedy for a cold and wet winter day. Although I would never normally pick something like this off the shelves, I will definitely have to stock up when the snowy months roll around!
Plucking a chilly box of Vanilla out of the fridge, memories of less than appealing products haunted me once more. Although it should be such an easy flavor to replicate, vanilla is actually terribly complex, and it’s all too easy for companies working in huge batches to get the formula disturbingly wrong. More often than not, “vanilla” soymilk is almost indecipherable from the standard plain, but then there are also variants that take it way too far, making the flavor so intense that it tastes like you’ve just swallowed a full bottle of extract, artificial additives and all. Vanilla is truly a delicate thing, often drowned out by excessive sweetening, but even one whiff of this brew convinced me that ZenSoy would not make this the case. Light and refreshing, a sip lingered on the tongue just long enough to make a case for the flavorful bean, never overstaying its welcome. Miles better than I could have even hoped for, I would happily include this in any bowl of cereal or baking application. Surprisingly, I found that the carton was drained before I even concluded writing my tasting notes!
Having saved what I was hoping would be the best for last, I couldn’t contain my excitement any longer and finally plunged my extended plastic straw through the seal of the Cappuccino flavor. Taking a good, long swig, I must have lost myself in the moment, because it seemed as though I guzzled down half of the container before coming up for air! Lightly flavored with just a hint of coffee, I wished that there was a more robust flavor, being that I’m such a coffee addict. However, that faint whisper only made me want to drink more to chase that flavor down, making for a quite addictive beverage itself. A serious contender to real coffee house creations, this creamy drink is sophisticated enough to suit more mature palates, but I’m sure it’s light enough that even kids would be able to enjoy it as well. In sum, I absolutely adore this stuff, and I may just have to order another case or two soon!
Now, bear in mind that I almost never drink soymilk straight-up. Sometimes I’ll use it in my cereal, but more often than not even that job is done by almond milk, so soy usually is only found in my baking. Considering all of that, this is some high praise coming from my lips, but it really does deserve recognition. Not only is it a perfectly portable and even nutritionally sound refreshment, but there are few products on the shelf that could rival its incredible taste. If you’re looking for single-serve packages of soymilk, search no further - ZenSoy On the Go really is “the soy you enjoy!”
[Written for Go Dairy Free]
Easy As Miniature Pie
Thanks to the wonderful response generated by my little tea party post, I thought I might show my appreciation by sharing how to make the centerpiece of that tiny gathering: The pie. I’m sure that just about anyone could figure it out on their own just by looking at the pictures, but for those reluctant to venture into any craft without a crystal clear idea of the procedure, this one’s for you.
To start out with, all you need is a scrap of beige felt, a bottle cap, a bunch of beads, and some glue. For the beads, no need to get fancy with glass or ceramic- Just think bright and colorful! Cheap plastic is perfect for such an application, and so are plenty of different sizes like I have shown in this one. Let’s pretend I was going for a “mixed berry” look, instead of just running out of one uniform size. When it comes to the glue, I might suggest a combination of both standard white glue and crazy glue for different steps, but either one is a-okay to use for the whole thing- You just need to be either very patient, or work very quickly!
First, cut your beige felt into a circle that measures between 1 1/4 inches - 1 3/8 inches in diameter. Check how it fits inside your bottle cap to determine what works best. You don’t want it to hang over the edge, but it’s fine if it comes up a little bit short. Once it’s cut to the right size, use your white glue to coat one side of the fabric, and press it firmly into the bottom of the cap. Make sure that it’s centered and even, and use your fingernails to fill the edges as well. Let that dry for about 15 minutes maybe (I didn’t really time it) and then liberally brush the bottom of the “crust” with your crazy glue. Quickly fit the larger beads into the bottom in one layer, and fill in any gaps with the smaller ones. Once those have adhered, go ahead and brush the tops of those beads with more crazy glue, and arrange your remaining beads on those so that it mounds up higher in the center, or however it looks pleasing to you.
Simple, right? And even if you aren’t into miniatures, this adorable pie would make a sweet little magnet, button, or brooch!
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!
Excitedly tearing open a recently arrived package from Good Cause Wellness, a large plastic bag unexpectedly fell to the floor. What curious surprise awaited me within, I could only guess. Retrieving the small parcel from its resting place at my feet, my interest only grew once I caught sight of its contents. Bearing a label that read “Chia Seeds,” I was certain that some mistake had been made. Chia? Like the grass heads? I wondered with disbelief. Who knew such novelties were even edible!
Wanting to find out more before tossing these mysterious seeds into my food and possibly discovering that were in fact meant to adorn some pottery animal like the traditional Chia Pet, I hit the internet to gather more information. From what I could glean of the tangled world wide web, it turns out that these tiny unsprouted plants are thought of as a “super food,” capable of incredible nutritional feats. Not one to easily buy into the hype of miracle foods, what captured my interest buried deep within this wealth of useless knowledge was that it apparently had incredible thickening powers, capable of creating a “gel” even as whole seeds. This new information could only mean one thing in my book: Time to experiment.
Considering its unusual textural properties, I somehow got it in my mind that a chia-based egg replacer might just be perfect. Dying to unlock the full potential of those tiny specks, there was no chance I would take the easy way out and make some basic muffin or quick bread- Oh no, I had much greater plans in mind, aiming to make no less than the French egg-based baked custard known as a Clafoutis.
Grinding the seeds as fine as dust before soaking, I hoped to eliminate any grittiness that they might otherwise impart…. But in doing so, turned my main ingredient into an unappealing muddy grey color. Disheartened by this unfortunate transformation, I sought reassurance once more online and - Wouldn’t you know it! - Others have arrived at exactly the same cloudy shade, even when working with a standard, eggy recipe! Back on track putting appearances aside, I kept my chin up and proceeded with this mad experiment. Into the dish it went, strawberries joining it shortly, and they all made a nice toasty visit to the oven.
Emerging smelling of the sweet berries resting on top, it looked every bit as authentic as those I have marveled over in photos. After an agonizing hour of waiting for it to cool, a light shower of confectioner’s sugar topping it all off, and the time of judgement had arrived.
I don’t have an interior shots because it was eaten so quickly, if that gives you any indication of its success. Another example of why one shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, Chia seeds really may just be the next miracle ingredient, supposed health benefits aside. I know that they aren’t the most common staple in the typical baker’s pantry, but can I tell you? Hunting them down, if only for this delectable dish, is completely worth it.
Strawberry Clafoutis
1/3 Cup Soy Creamer
2/3 Cup Soymilk
3 Tablespoons Chia Seeds
3 Tablespoons Cornstarch
2 Tablespoons All-Purpose Flour
1/3 Cup Granulated Sugar
1 Tablespoon Margarine
1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
Pinch Salt
8 Ounces Fresh Strawberries
Confectioner’s Sugar (Optional)
Begin by grinding down your chia seeds in a spice grinder to a fine powder. Combine both the soymilk and soy creamer in a small bowl, and whisk the powdered seeds in just to make sure no clumps form. Let it sit for 10 minutes before stirring again, breaking up any lumps, and then leave it alone for another 20 minutes afterward. Depending on how long your oven takes to heat up, you may want to go ahead and preheat your oven to 350 degrees now while the mixture is thickening.
In a separate bowl, mix together the cornstarch, flour, and sugar. Melt your margarine and stir it in, along with the vanilla and salt. Your chia mixture should now be the consistency of pudding, and it can now be added into the flour mixture. Stir until smooth, and pour the batter into a lightly greased 7 inch custard dish. Slice the strawberries in half and arrange on top as desired- No need to be as meticulous as I was! Bake for 40 - 45 minutes, until it pulls away from the sides and browns slightly around the edges. The berries may leak some juice, but don’t worry, just lightly pat it with a paper towel once cool to remove the excess, or leave it if it doesn’t bother you. Lightly dust with confectioner’s sugar if desired.
Makes 2 - 4 Servings.
Independence Daze
Happy 4th of July everyone! I’m really not patriotic, so red, white and blue sprinkles are about as far as I go with this holiday. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy plenty of tofu hotdogs, veggie burgers, and of course, vegan cupcakes to celebrate today!
